We're living in a golden age of Star Wars tabletop games, from the gorgeous miniatures in Legion and Shatterpoint, to exciting strategy board games like Rebellion and the upcoming Battle of Hoth. But today, I'm celebrating something very different - traditional family board games that wear the Star Wars theme like a serial killer in a skin suit.
If you'd rather read about great games, Wargamer has a whole guide to the best Star Wars board games, covering every game that's in print and worth your time and money. For this article I'm covering board games that use the Star Wars license the same way the vet uses a block cheese to trick your dog into eating wormer.
Star Wars: Clue
Clue is a passable deduction puzzle game slowed down by roll and move mechanics that make it a chore to get anywhere and actually attempt a deduction - but the murder mystery theme is a great fit that papers over the cracks. Star Wars: Clue dumps that careful theming for a 3D cardboard Death Star.
In this game, the heroes of a New Hope meander around the battle station as if they're mildly concussed, spouting theories at one another about where the Death Star plans are and which planet Darth Vader is going to annihilate next. It's the Rebel base, guys. We've seen the movie.
Star Wars: R2-D2 is in Trouble
Loads of games have dice, but only Trouble loads them into the Popomatic. Star Wars: R2-D2 is in Trouble goes one step further, and puts a tiny plastic Artoo into the Popomatic as well. Every 'pop!' sends the beloved mascot tumbling, slammed against the see-through walls of his prison by a ricocheting die. Whoever wins, the astromech loses.
There have since been Star Wars Trouble variants with cover art featuring BB-8 and Grogu from the Mandalorian (baby Yoda). In an act of abject cowardice, Hasbro has not put models of these beloved orb-shaped mascots into the Popomatic dome. Only Artoo is punished, and we don't understand why.
Star Wars: Operation
It's no better than normal Operation, but at least it's no worse. There have been several versions of Star Wars: Operation, and the ones featuring Droids make perfect sense - one of Luke Skywalker's first actions in A New Hope, after whining about picking up power converters, is to unscrew Artoo's restraining bolt. I'm giving Star Wars: Operation this article's highest score - mid.
Star Wars: Monopoly
I'm not going to tell you that Monopoly is good, but it isn't nearly as bad as the version most people play because of house rules they've invented. Played with auctions, without giving people money for landing on free parking, and with the explicit goal of slitting the other players' throats as fast as possible, it's passable. Star Wars: Monopoly is that, but it replaces the little silver boot with a gurning Ewok. It can burn.
Star Wars: Labyrinth
I won't hear a word said against Labyrinth. Yes, it's far from cutting edge, but it's enjoyable for children and the terminally hungover both, you can easily cheat to let your child win, and pushing those big chunky tiles and watching the map change makes my brain leak the special chemicals I so desperately need. Star Wars: Labyrinth is like playing Labyrinth while daydreaming about Star Wars, and frankly, I've been there.
Star Wars: Risk
Ah, right, there's been a mistake here. Star Wars: Risk is pretty decent. It's certainly better than Risk, because it's not actually Risk. It's really a reskin of the surprisingly competent Phantom Menace tie-in 'The Queen's Gambit'. Let's move along and pretend we didn't see this one.
Star Wars: Scrabble
On one hand, it's just Scrabble with worse graphic design. On the other, cybernetic, hand, the letter tiles also feature Star Wars' made up Aurebesh characters, and there's a variant play mode where you punt space ships around the board to collect 'Galaxy Cards' that give you special powers. Special Scrabble powers - a frightening prospect.
Star Wars: Bop It! Chewie edition
Han Solo instructs you to yank, twist, shake, and generally violate a plastic model of his Wookie co-pilot, while players get to listen to "the real sounds of Chewbacca" as a reward. Straight into the fire with this one. We will never be free of sin.
Do you have fond memories of a particularly dreadful Star Wars tie-in product? Are there any more that look like eye-rollers on the surface, but are actually really good? We'd love to hear about them in the Wargamer Discord server.
If you're interested in really cool Star Wars stuff coming down the pipe, check out the Star Wars Legion roadmap for 2025 and beyond.