If you’ve spent any time on TikTok in recent months, you’re probably familiar with the concept of a ‘hear me out’. This is a character the speaker is extremely attracted to, but they have to work hard to justify their off-the-wall crush. Baldur’s Gate 3 is filled with odd creatures, as well as high levels of general horniness – so I set out to find out who is the fanbase’s most abhorrent, confusing, and downright weird ‘hear me out’.
Generally, these unusual choices for Baldur’s Gate 3 romances weren’t from the original cast of Baldur’s Gate 3 companions. That being said, some of the cosplayers we interviewed did choose some pretty safe answers. Hey, I’m not judging you for being vanilla.
Thanks as well to everyone at MCM Comic Con who opened their hearts (and their dirty, dirty minds) for this feature – check out their awesome cosplays below!
The most basic ‘hear me out’
Not everyone wants to get up close and personal with a true DnD monster. For those who prefer their dates to have the right number of limbs and a conventionally attractive face, we have our first awards category: the most basic ‘hear me out’.
The runner-ups include both Shadowheart and Karlach, two popular hotties from your Baldur’s Gate 3 party. Hell, Shadowheart is literally the most popular hear me out in the game. That’s not really in the spirit of a ‘hear me out’, is it?
Karlach was the most popular of the vanilla choices, with multiple votes. However, we’ve chosen The Dark Urge as the winner for this category. They only got one vote, but their murderous tendencies and the fact they’re usually a Dragonborn means they have at least some right to be a ‘hear me out’ crush.
Thank you to the cosplayers who voted:
- Brotherwar_cosplay
- Cosqueenie
- Daisy
The most unique ‘hear me out’
These are the ‘hear me out’s that nobody else dreamt up. Congrats to all the cosplayers in this category – you get to be the edgy hipster at the party with a totally unique choice.
The first nominee is Abdirak, the priest of Loviatar who offers to whip you senseless in the Goblin Camp. Astarion and Shadowheart seemed to enjoy seeing you get punished, so it makes sense that some players were having just as much fun.
Next is Commander Z’rell, the Half-Orc Warlock in charge of advising Ketheric Thorm (and commenting on your love life). She would have been one of our top choices, personally. Commanding and kind of flirty? Hear me out.
Our final nominee is Z’rell’s boss, Ketheric Thorm. He’s a little crusty after dying and returning to life, but he does have a sad backstory and the gentle voice of J.K. Simmons.
It was tough choosing a winner among these stellar options, but we think Ketheric just about has the edge. There’s not one even remotely sexy interaction with him, so we’re extra curious when this voter decided they were into him.
Thank you to the cosplayers who voted:
- Steelseamstres_cosplay
- QTD.cosplay
- Emily White
The most popular ‘hear me out’
Two particular characters stood out as the ‘hear me out’ of the masses. It was neck-and-neck between them for a time, but towards the end of MCM, one BG3 crush snatched the trophy.
In second place, we have Kar’niss, Kar’niss is a drider, which basically means he has a half-humanoid, half-spider body. Oh, and don’t forget lots of inky black eyes all over his head.
He’s near the top of our list for ‘most disturbing crushes’, but a lot of fans seem drawn to him. In the words of one cosplayer: “I have arachnophobia, but smash”.
Baldur’s Gate 3’s most popular ‘hear me out’ is the devil Raphael, but only in his Cambion form. I’m honestly not shocked by this result – Andrew Wincott manages to bring a lot of sultry sass to this horned antagonist.
Thank you to the cosplayers who voted:
- Fletcher
- Shaz
- pHannahshobbiex
- Aquafoxcos
- Tusktoothcosplay
- Nadia
- Laurencosplay
The most unhinged ‘hear me out’ of them all
To the people who voted for this character – you may have been outvoted, but in my heart, you are the true winner of the ‘hear me out’ contest. Your pick was the weirdest, the nastiest, and the truest ‘hear me out’ of all. You understood the assignment. I both respect and fear you.
The only nominee in this category – and the automatic winner – is Auntie Ethel. She’s the Hag that harasses you throughout the game (and at one point offers to climb you like a tree). One cosplayer did specify that they like her because she can transform into all sorts of guises. Another was far bolder and said they’ll take Auntie Ethel in her Hag form, warts and all.
Thank you to the cosplayers who voted:
- Wesley
- Laura Cosday
My most unhinged ‘hear me out’ in Baldur’s Gate 3
I’ve put a lot of people in a very awkward spotlight for this article, so I’m throwing my hat in the ring too. Prepare to have your opinion of me drop dramatically – my ‘hear me out’ is Wulbren Bongle.
Yes, he’s the most hated man in the Forgotten Realms. But he also has a smooth Welsh accent and a jaw like Handsome Squidward. Hear me out, really.
If you need some eye bleach after this article, here’s everything you need to know about DnD classes and DnD races. Or, if you want to go deeper down the rabbit hole, here’s a true story about Shadowheart being gifted a vibrator.