The Sims board game, releasing in stores across the US on August 15, is Simlish in name only. That's the first impression I get from the rules that publisher Goliath released as part of its (surprisingly minimal) marketing. Rather than exploring what makes the PC franchise great, The Sims Board Game gives us a shallow resource management game - with a few 'sul sul's and Plumbobs thrown in.
What makes a Sims game great? There are many answers, but a few key cornerstones come to mind. You might think of a custom dollhouse that lets you live out interior design dreams far beyond your budget. You may think of a detailed life simulator, where you play out soap opera dramas across multiple branches of a lengthy family tree. Or you may think of all the wacky possibilities that come with playing god - especially near a swimming pool ladder.
The Sims board game doesn't address any of these features. Instead, it hyperfocuses on two small parts of the PC game: a Sim's aspirations and their needs.
When the game begins, you'll pick an aspiration that you wish to fulfill. This is done by collecting symbols that match those found on your aspiration card. The actual story aspect of completing an aspiration is irrelevant. It doesn't matter whether your Sim wants to be a Joke Star or a Villainous Valentine, as long as they hoard the right pictures on their home board.
You'll collect these symbols by visiting famous locales from the PC game and picking up action cards. Visiting a location depletes one of your needs, and you can only restore these by returning home on your turn to rest.
You can contribute to an aspiration by attracting an 'Iconic Sim' to your home. Certain action cards cause these famous faces to swan from home to home, and they'll stop for a visit if yours happens to show a symbol that they like. Since Bonehilda has a symbol of her own, she counts towards your goals if she's staying at your place.
Completed aspirations are worth three points, and an Iconic Sim that sticks by you is worth one point. The winner is declared as soon as someone reaches eight points.
There's a big emphasis on the famous and familiar here. The Sims Board Game wants you to get excited about visiting a public lot from the PC game, picking up a Cowplant, and running into Bella Goth. It's less interested in recreating the feeling of building a Sim's life from the ground up.
We could have had a thoughtful worker placement game where we build the prettiest house or the most satisfied Sim family. This could have been a campaign game with RPG elements that focuses on the storytelling side of the franchise. Hell, I would have loved a silly party game where I play a Sim that tries to avoid dying in weird and impossible ways.
This just feels empty of Sims charm or authenticity. And while I'm yet to play the new board game, early reviews seem to echo my feelings. One BoardGameGeek rating calls it "fun but kinda meh". "There's not much to sink your teeth into, and the gameplay doesn't offer much in the way of long-term replay value", another says.
As another underwhelmed fan puts it: "Perhaps it'll become more interesting after $1,000 worth of expansions?" Until then (and probably even then), I'll be staying far away from The Sims Board Game.
For games I actually get excited about, here are the best board games Wargamer recommends. We can also introduce you to more great games in the Wargamer Discord. Or, if you'd like to hear me rant about The Sims some more, here's my utter disdain for the live events introduced to the game.