In the last year, 18 year old Jade Viehman's life has transformed - she moved to California, discovered Warhammer 40,000, began to express her gender identity openly, started college, and finally got sober. Viehman struggled with substance abuse for years, using depressants and psychedelics to escape from feelings of isolation, while pushing herself even further away from those around her. The last 12 months have been different - Wargamer asked her about her experiences, and she was happy to tell us about her journey, and the role that a community of nerds played for her.
"Finding community through Alcoholics Anonymous, Warhammer 40k, and Magic: the Gathering has been a large part of my recovery", Viehman says. Her problems with alcoholism and drug-addiction started in her mid teens. After years living in Saudia Arabia, her family moved back to the US when she was 14, settling in Texas. Jade recalls there "Was a culture-shock for me and I couldn't establish friends - I was stuck in fear and severe social anxiety".
Viehman felt isolated due to her "Nerdy interests and private gender identity stuff that I wasn't open about" - assigned male at birth, she now identifies as "Androgynous or transfemme". She adds that "The cultural climate in Texas wasn't accommodating for my needs". "I couldn't find community and socially was just very alone, which led to my maladaptive coping mechanisms", which included "Marijuana, psychedelics (LSD mainly), and research chemical benzodiazepines (pressed pills similar to xanax) - I used them as an escape to get away from my emotions".
Using substances to escape from her feelings created a vicious cycle. "It strained my relationship with my family, and just led to a cycle of feeling lonely, separating myself to drink or use, and ultimately just being stuck by myself". Then "After an overdose at 17, I traumatized my mother and lost a lot of self esteem". Viehman "Was sent to treatment several times" during her late teens, but it wasn't effective. "My actions didn't change when I got out of treatment and I stayed in my 'comfort bubble' hiding behind a screen and being afraid of venturing out into the real world".
There was no silver bullet for Viehman - reflecting on how she's managed to get sober and stay sober, she says "It's not an overnight change, its a slow process where the actions that you take for yourself will add up". But she can point to a lot of things that made a difference. Isolation and hiding her true identity were at the root of her pain - it's no surprise that community and self-expression have been at the root of her recovery.
Jade says she owes a lot to her "Therapists who I felt (and continue to feel) open with - that radical honesty has been crucial". In 2024 Jade moved to California for six months of residential treatment, and has since progressed to "Sober living - a shared house where I do a urine test once or twice a week". She's found a "Loving community" in an Alcoholics Anonymous group, and has an active relationship with her sponsor who "Acts as an advisor of sorts". She explains that "Through AA I've also been able to see and learn from other people's recoveries and what they have to say". And she's found a new sense of spirituality, a belief in "Not necessarily a Judeo-Christian 'God', but a force that is greater than myself".
She also says that "Having hobbies and keeping busy has been CRUCIAL, particularly hobbies where I am active with other people or being of service". That's where a hobby gaming community has played a big role for Viehman. As a younger teen, Viehman had been interested in Magic the Gathering, but she was "Scared since everyone was older than me". "Growing maturity and further confidence through therapy" helped her get over that barrier, and she was "Greeted by such a lovely group of people!". Through that community she then discovered Warhammer 40,000, and was "Absolutely marveled by the intricacy of the painting and the lore".
"Warhammer has a more intimate group where I've found the people are just a lot more kind and enthused about their dorky painted minis", Viehman says. And "There's a large overlap between the LGBT community and Warhammer and MTG, where I can feel comfortable stating my part and presenting in the gender identity that feels more comfortable for me". Seeing that "People who tend to be into tabletop games (particularly Warhammer & Magic) are quite high-achieving and determined in life" has also given her a real sense of confidence about being a nerd, and contentment in the community she has joined.
Viehman celebrated one year of sobriety in November, receiving the Hypercrypt Legion Necron army box as a gift from her family; for Christmas she got herself the "The Krieg Siege Platoon and Death Korps of Krieg Combat Patrol". For any Warhammer fans who may worry that Viehman has transferred her addictive tendencies from narcotics onto a mountain of unpainted Warhammer 40k factions, she says "I'm happy to say that about 90% of my Necron army is painted and table-ready".
"For the month of January I am taking a hiatus from Warhammer and MTG to focus and get comfortable in my first semester of college, but will be diving back in in February". She adds that "Over the holidays we also had a loss in the family so I am in need of space to process that - however, through the community that I've developed and the guidance of my AA sponsor I did not feel the need to turn towards a bottle of wine or a substance outside of myself".
For anyone who is currently dealing with substance dependency, or hidden feelings of isolation, Viehman says "As cliché as it sounds - you're not alone in these struggles. Many of us put on this great facade of how wonderful our lives are and do not want to compromise our outward appearances. I was a straight-A student, an Eagle Scout, and had many accomplishments to my name but would cope with loneliness by swallowing pills. I didn't feel comfortable accepting and admitting my struggles to people." She adds: "Something that's been paramount is knowing that there is a community out there that will welcome you with open arms where you can be accepted for who you are, and honestly talk about your struggles".
Viehman acknowledges that her life still has its challenges. "I still certainly struggle with feeling gender dysphoria, seeing myself sober through college (which will be a challenge, but I will get through it), and developing interpersonal relationships with people". But life is "A lot more approachable when I'm not doubting myself, hung-over, or stressing about my health". And though "It took me four attempts in the span of two years to get truly committed to my own sobriety and health, after seeing the brighter life I have today I feel no need to look back".
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