Wizards of the Coast has just revealed an MTG card from Lost Caverns of Ixalan that deals a ridiculous 1,000 damage to each opponent. The Thousand Year Calendar seems to be Magic: The Gathering’s version of the Maya (or Mayan) Calendar, which it was commonly (but mistakenly) believed heralded an apocalypse that would take place in December 2012.
This MTG Lost Caverns of Ixalan card, spoiled on October 26, also counts down to a cataclysmic event. Each time you untap a permanent (including lands) during your untap step, you place a time counter on this artifact. Then, when there are 1,000 or more counters, you sacrifice The Thousand Year Calendar, and each opponent loses 1,000 life.
That puts a clock on your Commander game, but it would take a long time to reach doomsday without the MTG card’s other ability. This simply states that you can pay two mana and tap it to double the amount of counters on The Thousand Year Calendar. If you keep plugging mana into it, it should take fewer than ten turns to end the game, though of course, the card is vulnerable to removal.
But we don’t care, that’s the most life loss any Magic card ever printed has dealt (sorry Aetherflux Reservoir) and we’re in it for the memes. We can’t wait to build a Standard or MTG Arena deck using The Thousand Year Calendar with All Will Be One to dish out absurd damage with all those counters.
There are still plenty more Lost Caverns of Ixalan spoilers to come, but we’ve already seen lots of cards with absurd effects. Forget Doubling Season, Ojer Taq is a token tripler! And The Core is a legendary land that (once you flip it) can add one mana for each permanent in your graveyard.
Incidentally, in case you’re still wondering why the world didn’t end in 2012, it turns out that this was simply the date of the next B’ak’tun or Long Count, a period of time spanning 394 years. That concept doesn’t make for as good a Magic card though, so we can understand why Wizards went with the ahistorical version for this reference.