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All I want for Christmas is a fat DnD dragon ornament for my tree

Themberchaud, the obese dragon seen belly-sliding down a mountain of gold in the DnD movie, makes for the best and worst tree ornament I’ve ever seen.

DnD Dragon tree ornament by Hallmark - Themberchaud, an enormously fat red dragon, sitting on a rock breathing fire

DnD fans, cinephiles, and appreciators of large scaly lads will recognise Themberchaud as the overweight DnD dragon the protagonists encounter midway through the DnD Movie. Themberchaud is, to put it mildly, big boned. Lorge. Himb chonky. He’s a heckin’ unit, a sizable lad, a big chungus, doughy, a portly fellow, mamma’s big boi, a spaghetti diver… In short, he’s an icon, and he’s available as a Christmas tree ornament.

DnD fandom can have quite a refined material culture – we all know that one player with a set of carved DnD dice, a solid wood gaming table, and a high-definition 3D print of their custom Hero Forge DnD miniature. I am nearly the opposite of that player. Imagine my delight, then, in discovering there are two officially licensed Hallmark tree ornaments based on Themberchaud.

DnD Dragon tree ornament by Hallmark - Themberchaud, an enormously fat red dragon, standing with his mouth open as if breathing heavily

One shows our husky son standing and grinning like a retiree’s lapdog after a fifteen minute walk; another lights up and depicts him with terrible heartburn, and/or breathing fire. If there’s a higher pinnacle of nerd kitsch I’ve yet to see it.

Resin statuettes of wizards holding real zirconium crystal orbs, paintings of women in silk gowns leaning against unicorns, notebooks with embossed devil faces on them, bookends that look like mediaeval goblets, reproduction Lord of the Rings swords… it’s all high fantasy camp, I love it, and Chrismas-tree Themberchaud is its new king.

My own home is so stuffed with models from various Warhammer 40k factions, piles of board games, and books for tabletop RPGs, that I don’t have the space, let alone budget, to indulge my taste for ornamental atrocities. Plus, I share my house with two other humans who’ve done nothing wrong and don’t deserve to be subjected to my unfiltered gaucheness. But tree ornaments are a massive loophole.

DnD Dragon tree ornament by Hallmark - Themberchaud, an enormously fat red dragon, sitting on a rock breathing fire, hanging from a tree

Christmas trees are like potted drag queens, draped head to toe in tinsel boas and criminally kitsch accessories. The ghastly novelties in the family tree dressing hamper, no matter how tasteless, incongruous, or inexplicable they may be, hold the status of sacred relics, carefully preserved from generation to generation. What better lair could there be for a plastic dragon with the body shape of a diabetic housecat?

Being a nerd is about being unapologetically enthusiastic about something, and – when carried off with self-esteem, sincerity, and basic personal hygiene – easily crosses the line from kitsch into charisma. Themberchaud is an icon for the goofy side of DnD, and I can’t wait to appal my loved ones with him this festive season.

If you want to know more about this plus-sized king, YouTuber MrRhexx has made a lore deep dive into his backstory, below:

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Obviously it’s too early to be thinking about Christmas for real – we haven’t even celebrated goth Christmas (halloween) yet. With that in mind, why not check out our guides to the best DnD horror one shots, best horror RPG games, best horror board games, best horror wargames, best horror miniatures, and best horror comics, to thoroughly rinse away the taste of turkey and mulled wine?