Wizards of the Coast has just announced a major Secret Lair drop, with nine new sets of premium reprints sold with funky new artwork. By far the most eye-catching among them is this Ian Malcolm MTG card which perfectly encapsulates Jeff Goldblum’s most seductive onscreen moment.
This MTG Secret Lair is one of two Jurassic World drops, and it’s entirely dedicated to Goldblum’s character Ian Malcolm. The sexy shirtless Malcolm is a reskin of Tasigur, The Golden Fang, a human shaman who slouches in basically the same topless pose. Wizards has carefully picked the character’s memiest moments, from that bit where he taps the camera to the weird laugh he does in the helicopter ride. It’s hard to believe these are official MTG cards, but there it is.
Let’s quickly take a look at the rest of this drop, which is available until December 27 and releases a month later, on January 26, 2024.
First up we have Secret Lair x Tomb Raider, a Universes Beyond Secret Lair that includes five existing cards with new art and names, and one mechanically unique Lara, Croft Tomb Raider, who can steal legendary lands and artifacts from your own and other people’s graveyards.
Then there’s Gift Wrapped, a bunch of cards with abstract art that’s meant to resemble Christmas wrapping paper. As cool as these cards look, we do worry how identifiable they’ll be at the table.
The next Secret Lair drop deserves a special shout out, because all of the cards contained within are EDH staples found in the majority of MTG Commander decks. It’s Through The Wormhole, which has space-themed versions of Sol Ring, Command Tower, Lightning Greaves and more. All Secret Lairs are available in foil for an extra $10, but this one is available instead as Galaxy Foils, a new foiling technique introduced in MTG Unfinity that makes the card all glittery and sparkly.
It seems every Secret Lair drop must feature a batch of basic MTG land cards, and this time the special lands in question come in Paradise Frost. They’re actually snow-lands, not pure basics, and each one shows a wintery scene with an animal friend. It’s still a bit rough that these cost the same as other bundles and you only get one of each of these lands, rather than a decent number.
Then there’s Tales of the Timestoppers, which blue players can salivate over, since it’s a collection of time-related cards, drawn in an interesting art style inspired by retro comics. Some of the card elements fall prey to the classic Secret Lair readability issue, but it’s easier on the eyes than most of the metal poster lairs. Crucially, Wizards has kept the rules text readable: they’re learning, folks!
Mycosynthwave is a lair based on a pun. It has three Mycosynth related cards in a synthwave art style. Only three? It seems because the drop includes the expensive MTG card Mycosynth Golem, Wizards decided to shortchange us. It’s not like they ran out of cards: there’s Mycosynth Gardens and Encroaching Mycosynth.
Showcase: The Lost Caverns of Ixalan has awesome artwork of original Ixalan creatures (that Vrona is terrifying), and then we’ll finish in the franchise where we started, with Secret Lair x Jurassic World: Life Breaks free. This drop has a bunch of classic dinosaurs… breaking free. They’re reskinned versions of the best MTG dinosaurs like Etali and Polyraptor, and the card text is done as Jurassic World font signage and warning signs.
That’s the lot. Whether you’re in for a spelunking Tomb Raider, Space-themed staples, or the alluring Goldblum, each Secret Lair will cost you $29.99, or $39.99 for a foil version.